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【TOP 32】Lenny Bruce Quotes - WhatsApp Status | Page-1

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Communism is like one big phone company. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

Communism is like one big phone company.

American Comedian Communism Funny

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

American Comedian Beach Funny

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses.

American Comedian Children Funny

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.

American Comedian Audience Funny

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it.

American Comedian Funny

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter - Lenny Bruce Quotes

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

All my humor is based upon destruction and despair. If the whole world were tranquil, without disease and violence, I'd be standing on the breadline right in back of J. Edgar Hoover.

Despair Humorous

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them - Lenny Bruce Quotes

The liberals can understand everything but people who don't understand them

Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an ''act'' and he told the audience, ''This is my act.'' Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

Today's comedian has a cross to bear that he built himself. A comedian of the older generation did an ''act'' and he told the audience, ''This is my act.'' Today's comic is not doing an act. The audience assumes he's telling the truth. What is truth today may be a damn lie next week.

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone - Lenny Bruce Quotes

If you can take the hot lead enema, then you can cast the first stone

The

The "what should be" never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no "what should be," there is only what is.

American Comedian Funny People

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God.

American Comedian Funny

A lot of people say to me, `Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

A lot of people say to me, `Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.

A lot of people say to me, ''Why did you kill Christ?'' ''I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.'' ''We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him.'' - Lenny Bruce Quotes

A lot of people say to me, ''Why did you kill Christ?'' ''I dunno... it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know.'' ''We killed him because he didn't want to become a doctor, that's why we killed him.''

Jesus Christ People

The whole motivation for any performer is

The whole motivation for any performer is "Look at me, Ma

In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls - Lenny Bruce Quotes

In the halls of justice, the only justice is in the halls

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it:

Never tell. Not if you love your wife... In fact, if your old lady walks in on you, deny it. Yeah. Just flat out and she'll believe it: "I'm tellin' ya. This chick came downstairs with a sign around her neck 'Lay on Top of Me Or I'll Die.' I didn't know what I was gonna do...."

Love

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up.

American Comedian Funny School

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour -- ha ha ha ha ha -- they'll take you away, man. You can't.

Art

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God - Lenny Bruce Quotes

I'll die young, but it's like kissing God

God

The thing with Catholicism, the same as all religions, is that it teaches what should be, which seems rather incorrect. This is ''what should be.'' Now, if you're taught to live up to a ''what should be'' that never existed -- only an occult superstition, no proof of this ''should be'' -- then you can sit on a jury and indict easily, you can cast the first stone, you can burn Adolf Eichmann, like that! - Lenny Bruce Quotes

The thing with Catholicism, the same as all religions, is that it teaches what should be, which seems rather incorrect. This is ''what should be.'' Now, if you're taught to live up to a ''what should be'' that never existed -- only an occult superstition, no proof of this ''should be'' -- then you can sit on a jury and indict easily, you can cast the first stone, you can burn Adolf Eichmann, like that!

When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business - Lenny Bruce Quotes

When you're eight years old, nothing is any of your business

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do.

American Comedian Funny

When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.

Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded as descended from that tribe. That's what it says in the dictionary; but you and I know what a Jew is -- One Who Killed Our Lord. And although there should be a statute of limitations for that crime, it seems that those who neither have the actions nor the gait of Christians, pagan or not, will bust us out, unrelenting dues, for another deuce. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

Now a Jew, in the dictionary, is one who is descended from the ancient tribes of Judea, or one who is regarded as descended from that tribe. That's what it says in the dictionary; but you and I know what a Jew is -- One Who Killed Our Lord. And although there should be a statute of limitations for that crime, it seems that those who neither have the actions nor the gait of Christians, pagan or not, will bust us out, unrelenting dues, for another deuce.

Judaism And Jews

The Daily Show. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

The Daily Show.

beautiful mama with the long red hair. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

beautiful mama with the long red hair.

The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's ''Look at me, Ma!'' It's acceptance, you know -- ''Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma.'' And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew! - Lenny Bruce Quotes

The reason I'm in this business, I assume all performers are -- it's ''Look at me, Ma!'' It's acceptance, you know -- ''Look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma, look at me, Ma.'' And if your mother watches, you'll show off till you're exhausted; but if your mother goes, Ptshew!

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

The only truly anonymous donor is the guy who knocks up your daughter.

American Comedian Funny

There are never enough I Love You's. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

There are never enough I Love You's.

American Comedian Funny I Love You

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

The only honest art form is laughter, comedy. You can't fake it... try to fake three laughs in an hour - ha ha ha ha ha - they'll take you away, man. You can't.

American Comedian Funny

When you're eight years old nothing is your business. - Lenny Bruce Quotes

When you're eight years old nothing is your business.

American Comedian Funny

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